As I sit here, alone in my bedroom like I have been for the past eight weeks, I reminisce on the times I’ve had in quarantine. As I try to remember these past eight weeks, my mind is left blank. I can’t remember a thing.

It’s all become a huge blur.

It’s almost as if my mind is trying to let me forget about these tragic times. Everyday I wake up, do school, eat lunch, then do something to try to entertain me for the next few hours, until I go back to sleep. If I don’t complete something one day, there’s no need to fear, as the next day brings the exact same schedule and free time. For the past eight weeks I’ve felt like I’ve been staring in the movie “Groundhog Day” where everyday feels like the same day.

At times I feel like I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost my favorite sport, my ability to see my friends, and the ability to interact with the world as it is. Zoom is nice and all, but it isn’t the same as seeing your best friends in real life. It was fun for about a week, but now I find we have nothing to talk about. We are all living the same, boring life. No drama to gossip about, or events to discuss. Just a whole lot of nothing.

Someday I’m going to look back at this time and see how much life I’ve wasted within these walls. When I think about everything I could have been doing instead of sitting here, it honestly hurts my soul. This was supposed to be my junior year. The first year I could drive myself around and my friends, without having to ask my parents for rides.

The year where I could just have fun with my friends, as I only have a year left with them before college. The year for concerts, all my favorite artists were supposed to go on tour this year but have canceled due to the pandemic. I was supposed to go to junior prom with all my friends, my first high school dance since I couldn’t go to cotillion last year. It hurts to think about all the memories I could have been making instead of sitting in this room writing this essay. I feel like I’ve wasted my whole junior year, and I can only imagine what seniors are thinking right now. It hurts so bad to think about.

I feel like my mental state is slowly declining. Having my only interactions being with my family for eight weeks, I’m way past cabin fever. I never knew how excited I could get about going for walks. My parents will walk into my room and ask if I want to go for a walk, and I always say yes. Who knew a seventeen year old could get so excited about going for walks.

When I look through Instagram, I notice a new theme. Besides the countless amount of captions involving the word “quarantine” on my feed, I notice something new about my account. My Instagram, which once used to consist of countless pictures with friends, has turned into pictures involving only me, using my timer camera. I thrive for the day where my friends and I can take pictures once again.

I can’t wait until this whole mess is over with. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I dream for the day where my best friends and I can hang out again. I can’t wait until my parents let us order food, like pizza or Pacheroes. I haven’t had pizza in so long, and I can’t wait for the day where my parents will let us order a pie.

I dream for the day where I can walk into my cheer gym again, and see my coaches and teammates once again. I can’t wait to feel the spring mat as I tumble, and the excitement of hitting a stunt with my teammates. I never thought I would say this, but I can’t wait until the day where I can walk into school again.

As much as I always said I hated school, I miss the scheduled life. As I sit on my couch, a couch I put in my room just because of quarantine since I was tired of my bed, I wish for normal life again.