Halloween is coming up and frankly, I have no clue what I want to go as. There are only so many options that I can use, and it’s far too last minute to order something from Amazon. So, this begs the question, what options can you use as a Halloween costume at the last minute?

A Ghost

   If you want to be boring and lazy, go ahead. This is for the people who want to live out their 80s fantasy. Simple costume, all you need to do is cut some holes in a bed sheet.

   Then again, maybe this is more difficult than you’d think. How many people have completely white bed sheets? Additionally, it’s sort of a waste when you think about it. I don’t know about you, but my mom would not be happy if I started cutting through bed sheets.

A Redneck 

   This one’s easy… just throw on your unwashed plaid shirt and prep your racist comments in advance!

Your Dad

   Shave your head, furrow your eyebrows, and yell at your mom. Don’t forget to wear the “wife-beater!”

British People

   Grab a cup of tea and don’t wear your retainer the night before. Do your best John Lennon impression. You can swear, but do it in a polite way.

Chris Pine and Harry Styles

   Here’s a costume for the homies. One of you gets a cardigan and the other wears a suit with greased back hair and some glasses. Drink a lot of water, just in case.

Ms. Palmer

   Here’s one of the best costumes you can do, because it’s simple. All you need is black pants, a black shirt, and a black and gray striped scarf. If you have an ounce of color in your outfit, you’ve failed. You should look like a movie from the 1930s. Sure, you might give some former GT students PTSD, but it’ll all be worth it when you get a stern death stare. Sort of just dress like Gru from Despicable Me. 

Your Ex-Girlfriend and Her New Boyfriend

   You’re going to need a partner for this one, but frankly, you don’t have all of those old sweaters she gave you for nothing. Anger your friends, your ex, and your ex’s new partner in one foul swoop!

Someone Who Likes Themself

   I usually don’t like fantasy costumes, but this one is actually not very expensive. Honestly, you’re probably already wearing this costume. All you need for this costume is to pretend that you have any iota of self-esteem, walk in with a smile, and when people ask you how you’re doing, say “Good! How are you?”

Jesus Christ

 Flip flops, robe, and make sure to have your friends bring some wooden stakes. If you want a duo costume, have your little brother be the altar boy. Wait…

Mr. Bowne 

   Circular glasses, combat boots, rugby shirt, and of course, you gotta bring the lanyard. Raise your voice five octaves, and suggest everything you say should become a “podcast.” Don’t forget to bring up your wife as much as possible. She’s a professor at Stockton and working at Rutgers, you know. 

   This late in the game, it’s tough to find a solid, photo-worthy Halloween costume. But if you have ten minutes of spare time and a desire to anger those around you, by all means, use this list to entertain your friends and family. Except for that ghost idea, that one’s terrible. 

  We had to get permission from certain people to write about them in this article, so special thanks to Mr. Bowne, Ms. Palmer, your father, and Jesus Christ.