Hello there.

     My name is Tom.

     In case it wasn’t already obvious, I am a turkey. Yes, you heard that correctly—yours truly is a proud member of the genus Meleagris. Please, for the love of all birds, do not ask how I acquired a computer, or how I am able to type in English. It’s a very complicated story and I’d rather not get into it right now. 

      First off, there’s something I think you all should hear. It’s really important, so read this next part carefully:

      WHY ARE WE CALLED TURKEYS? WE’RE NOT EVEN FROM TÜRKIYE!

       There, I’ve made my case. You can leave now if you want.

       Wait, you’re still here? Well…

       I guess I’ve got a few other things to say. Mostly, it’s about this holiday you seem to have…I heard it has to do with eating turkeys. What’s it called again?

      Oh, yeah. Thanksgiving.

      I’m aware of the irony behind the fact that I, a turkey, am commenting about this. Laugh all you want, but my species is truly an underrepresented voice when it comes to this topic, which is funny considering we’re the ones you people won’t stop eating. No hard feelings, though. It’s not like you have self-control or anything.

       It’s fine, really. I’m content to sit in a cold, dark factory for my entire life as I await my inevitable fate. In fact, I actually look forward to the day when I’m served up on a silver platter with a side of stuffing and mashed potatoes—why, that’s the highlight of every turkey’s (often very short) life!

      Oh? So now you’re worried about me? Stop that. Your sympathy has been severely misplaced, I assure you. Why not pity the pilgrims? Why not celebrate the alliance between the settlers and the Native Americans? It was 100% positive and beneficial for both parties involved, after all. (Just skip the part where the English exploited the Wampanoag tribe and helped kickstart King Philip’s War, one of the most destructive conflicts in Native American history).

      But, you know, it’s not really all that important in the twenty-first century. Children in school get taught an incorrect, idealized version of American history, and millions of us turkeys are slaughtered every year because somewhere along the line, some dude decided that was a good idea. Personally, I see it as a win-win situation! 

       Alas, I’m afraid my time is up. All writing must come to an end at some point, especially when it is being typed on a stolen computer. I’m sure the humans won’t be too mad about this…