6 AM, September 5th. My alarm blares and I’m awake in a snap. I grab my phone and turn on my playlist called “Wise Fool”, because that’s what sophomore means. While the song plays I get ready. I picked out my outfit the night before: a pink tank top, my new jeans, and white Converse. A few more songs play and suddenly it’s 6:30 and it’s time for me to go to my bus stop.
Once I get to school, my worries quickly fade away when I realize that—almost—everyone is lenient on the first day. Around 11:00, I’m in English and the bell for lunch rings. I walk into the cafeteria and see my three best friends, Sky, Jules, and Via, sitting at a table. I quickly go over and sit with them. We’re all chatting and eating when someone approaches us. None of us recognize her. She says that her name is Ana, and Sky invites her to sit down. As lunch goes on we all realize that Ana is really cool, and just like that, she becomes part of our group.
At 1 PM I walk into last period and see Ana. Thank you. Someone sane in this class. Our teacher is pretty laid back, so he let us pick our seats. Ana and I sat next to each other. Since we had a class together we got close. Like, really close. At the end of September, Ana invited me to her house for the first time. While we were in her room I could feel my stomach rumble.
“Can we grab a snack?”
“Sorry, no we don’t really have anything.” Weird. How do you have a house and a kitchen but no food? It’s fine I guess. Once my mom picked me up we stopped at Panera.
At that same hangout, Ana invited me to her Sweet 16, which fell on her actual birthday. November 16th. Flash forward to her Sweet 16. Everyone is dancing, eating, taking photos with Ana, and overall just having a great time. About halfway through the night Ana begins her candle-lighting ceremony.
“Next we have candle number nine. It is for someone new in my life. Someone whom I met on the first day of school. This person was so welcoming and just a light while I was the new kid and didn’t know anyone. From our constant laughs in history to watching “The Summer I Turned Pretty” every time you come over. I’m so glad we met.” Wait. “This candle is for Kate!” I walked up to the main table. I can’t believe she dedicated a candle to me. We hugged and lit the candle and then she moved on.
Shortly after the candle lighting dinner was served. Everyone was eating and having the time of their lives. But I noticed Ana wasn’t. Eating I mean. Maybe she just didn’t want to feel bloated in her dress.
After Ana’s Sweet 16, time only brought us closer together. We hung out all the time. Every week. Well, actually more like every day. But anytime we were together or around other people, she wouldn’t eat. She would always say she wasn’t hungry or she ate at home. I just tried not to think anything of it.
One weekend in January we had off from school that following Monday, so I asked Ana if she wanted to go ice skating. She gladly obliged. At first, everything was great, even though neither of us could really skate. We were chatting, and watching incredibly skilled six-year-olds pass us. Then her face goes pale. And she faints. And suddenly everything starts to make sense.
As soon as I got home, I texted her “Hey are you ok?”
No response.
“Ana?” Nothing.
“I’m worried about you, please tell me you’re ok.”
I didn’t hear from Ana for a month. I don’t know what happened. One day, I got sick of wondering and went up to my friends during passing period.
“Hey, have you guys heard from Ana? She went totally MIA after we went ice skating.”
The response was puzzling “What are you talking about?” What do you mean what am I talking about?
“Very funny Via.” She just looked at me as if I was supposed to say something different. “Seriously? Ana? She sits with us every day?”
“Um, who’s Ana?” This isn’t funny anymore. “We don’t know anybody named Ana.”
“Yes you do? We all went to her birthday party?” This is so weird. They all looked at me confused and I just kind of stared at them.
Sky finally chirped up and said “Kate, we went to your birthday party and we went ice skating together and you fainted there.
What. “What. What are you talking about?”
Jules said so nonchalantly “There’s no person named Ana.”
That sent me spiraling. I left school early and on the car ride home I just blankly stared out the window. As soon as I got home I went to my room and went into messages, just trying to find a conversation with Ana. It’s like she was wiped from the planet. All of our conversions, photos, all of it, gone.
An hour later, I’m sitting on my bed just trying to process everything and anything. When my mom calls me down. I walk into the kitchen and both my parents are sitting at the table. Oh, joy. This can’t be good.
“Kate, sit down.” I comply because standing for the five minutes I have been feels too long. “We have something to tell you.” My dad says weirdly slow.
I look at them not saying anything and finally my mom says “We’re sending you to eating disorder treatment.”
February is National Eating Disorder Awareness Month. If you have read this far then you can see just how blinding an eating disorder can be in someone’s life. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder of any kind, please seek help. There’s always someone willing to listen. Check out The NEDA for resources. You deserve to live, not just survive.
