Have you ever had an argument with your parents where you are clearly in the right,but they get away with being in the wrong because they are the “adult?” This is a common occurrence for 90% of teenagers. The voice of youth has been silenced because we are “inexperienced.” Although it is true that the youth should listen to their elders, age doesn’t always equal wisdom.
How do we stand up for ourselves without disrespecting our elders? A good first step is to be sympathetic. What did your parents lack as children? What behaviors were supported by their parents and how were they treated verbally? These questions are important to consider because your parents’ style of parenting is a reflection of their childhood. If your father lacked healthy communication with his parents, then that might be why he yells so much. Or, if your mother was constantly praised as a child, then that could be why she can’t take criticism. As children, we all have expectations for our parents that they just can’t meet. However, this does not mean I’m saying to excuse a parents behavior because of their childhood. There has never been a hand book on how to do parenting, and it will always be rough. But take the pain of home life and use it like sandpaper, filing a better future. There’s a phrase that goes “parenthood outlives the parent,” unless you don’t want it to. You don’t have to be the same mother or father as your parents.
For the sake of your children, the words that hurt you as a child or the expectations that blazed you must lie with your parents in their grave. “When it’s your turn, you’ll do it better.” “When it’s your turn, you’ll be softer.” You may have not experienced the childhood you wanted, but you will be able to heal it through your children. It doesn’t get more healing than that. Hold your temper and wipe your tears. Make it through the argument with the kid within your mom or dad, because you’ll get to heal it soon. Through being bigger than the mistakes of generations, you will do something powerful: healing.
