Holiday FaceBook Posts From a Middle-Aged Man During Covid-19

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Jane Trauger

Amazon sucks. Bezos doesn’t need any more of our money, anyway. Did you guys know Amazon’s stock went up 60% since the Covid-19 pandemic started? He’s approaching a networth of $200 billion.

November 4th, 2020

I saw a homeless man today on my way home from work. I was going to throw him some money, but who knows what he would do with my $10. If he goes and buys drugs with it, that’s $10 down the drain for me. And I can’t afford that right now. My son asked me for a PS5 for Christmas, so I’ve been careful with my paychecks. He broke the PS4 we got him last year because he got angry and threw the controller at it. Can’t blame him, though. “Boys will be boys.” Am I right? 

#happyholidays #lifewithason

November 15th, 2020

Just ordered a new shipment of toilet paper in case there’s another lockdown. Do you guys think 10 cases is enough? I’m feeling very prepared. Thanks Amazon for your convenient and quick same-day delivery! What an awesome feature!

November 22nd, 2020

Screw Amazon! I ordered a case of toilet paper, and it came in a ripped package! This is NOT the time for them to be messing up. I’m running out of necessities! I even yelled at the lady who delivered it. I figured it was definitely her fault. She had a limp and could barely hold the package when dropping it off. She probably fell and ripped it herself! She told me she was sorry and “could refund me.” What? Someone needs to get her fired, that’s what I think. I’ll tell Jeff Bezos about that limping lady… what a weak link. Amazon sucks. Bezos doesn’t need any more of our money, anyway. Did you guys know Amazon’s stock went up 60% since the Covid-19 pandemic started? He’s approaching a networth of $200 billion. If he donated even a small amount of that money to the less fortunate, it would change their lives! A million bucks is nothing to him. I don’t get why he couldn’t just donate to a charity or something!

#selfishJeff  #amazon

December 6th, 2020

Also, I would never buy a home speaker like the Amazon “Alexa.” You know, the speaker that responds to its name? The personal home assistant that pretty much helps you with anything? Yeah, you’ve probably heard of it, but beware, those home speakers are spying on us. Jeff Bezos wants to take over the country. Maybe even the world. No, seriously, I saw it on Twitter. There’s a whole conspiracy and everything. To any of my followers, if you’re curious to learn more, I’ll post the link. Be safe out there. Those Alexa robots have a mind of their own. I would never allow one in my house. 

#alexa #governmentcontrol

 

December 29th, 2020

Well, I caved and got my wife an Amazon Alexa speaker for Christmas. They’re so convenient. With the Alexa in our house, there’s no more hassle of taking your phone out to check the weather. You can save yourself a few seconds by asking Alexa – and those seconds add up! Who cares if they listen in on your house and steal your information? What can they do with those depressing dinner conversations we have every night about my son’s grades? (other than judge my parenting skills) Not much. I’m not worried about it. Plus, it was on sale. Only $20! What a steal!