J.K Rowling announces new Harry Potter spin-off book series

“You know, I have gay friends, and black friends,” she said, “so it was really important that I tell their stories, and give these marginalized communities a voice.”

The Harry Potter author, and avid Twitter argument enthusiast, announced she will be including more diverse characters than ever before in her new spin-off series.

The series contains six books, each focusing on a different “side-character” and their adventures in and after Hogwarts.

Rowling is quoted as saying this is her best series yet, and critics agree. According to TERF (Trans-exclusionary radical feminism) Magazine, the first book is “just the right amount of feminist” and “the only acceptable portrayal of the gays in media.”

In an interview with Karen Smith from Real Women and Company, Rowling said she worked hard to ensure that everyone could feel represented in my books. “You know, I have gay friends, and black friends,” she said, “so it was really important that I tell their stories, and give these marginalized communities a voice.”

There is at least one minority in each book, a record-breaking number for Rowling, and the Harry Potter series as a whole.

The titles for each of them have been released at this time:

 

“Teddy Lupin and the Cross Dressing Metamorphmagus” $36.66

 This book describes the adventures of Teddy Lupin, the forgotten child of Remus Lupin and Tonks. It starts in his later years at Hogwarts, when he finally discovers his sexuality, and embraces his womanhood.

There are also talks about film adaptations of these books, and it’s rumored Scarlett Johansson will be stepping on to fill the role of Post-Op Teddy Lupin.

 

“Shaquana Johnson and The Dead Dreadlocks” $35.99

 The second book introduces you to a brand new protagonist. She’s a transfer student from the African school of magic: Uagadou (YoU-gAhn-da). Her name is Shaquana Johnson, and she is the cousin of Angelina Johnson.

The first chapter deals with the outdated concept of Black identity. With the help of her role model Hermione Granger, who explains her own devastating experience with racism at Hogwarts, she decides to cut off her locks. Once she does, she attracts the attention of all the most popular boys in school with her chocolate skin and juicy caramel eyes.

 

“Newt Scamander and the Lizard People” $100.99 (we know you can afford it.)

The third book in the series describes the heroic prowess of Newt Scamander. He saves the day from the would-be takeover of the Ministry of Magic by a race of mysterious lizard people, and the goblins of Gringotts. When two million galleons are stolen from Gringotts, the goblins are furious and enlist a race of people with even pointier noses named the “Jewts.”

“Lee Chang’s Guide to Passing Your OWL’s” $35.99

 Lee Chang, daughter of Cho Chang is starting her fifth year at Hogwarts. She will be taking her OWLs this year, but needs a perfect score. If she does not do well, she will face the wrath of the “Asian F” and her mother’s disappointment in the form of a scalding howler.

“Dumbledore’s Diary of Unrequited Love” $35.99

 While Rowling has had to defend baseless accusations of homophobia in the past this book is here to set the record straight.

Years after the Harry Potter franchise released its last movie, Rowling announced in a very important Twitter thread that Dumbledore was gay. The beloved headmaster had simply been in the closet the whole time. We just know if he were alive right now, he’d be drinking iced lattes and spilling all the tea. This book is exactly that. Each chapter of the diary is the story of a different incident that happened in his years as headmaster. Starting from his affair with a certain student, and ending with the unrequited love stories of his youth. All the while detailing the struggles associated with being a cisgender White gay man.

“Fatima Muhammad and the Cult of Intolerance” $35.99

 

For the first time ever, Rowling has released a Muslim character.

The book focuses on the main villain, Fatima. She is a new student in the same year as Teddy Lupin. She shows up to school on her first day wearing a mysterious head scarf type thing and refuses to eat pork. She is then ostracized because of it, and takes her frustrations out on the innocent students of Hogwarts. She amasses a following of outcast Slytherins like herself.

Soon, the school is corrupted by a gaggle of headscarf-wearing teens, and the pigs on the Hogwarts farm have no use. They’ve even petitioned to create a “Muslim Student Alliance.”

The first book will be available in stores in the beginning of June right in time for pride month. In partnership with Chick-Fil-a and the Straightway Foundation, if you bring in a copy of the book you get a free large fry.

The second is set to release in February of the following year, in honor of Black History Month. (Release dates to be determined).

In these trying times, it’s important to support our favorite authors. Christmas is right around the corner. Show your support for these minority groups by buying one of these books for you or for a loved one.