Ask Iz: Advice from a Friend #3

The best advice I can give you here is to talk to them. Believe me, I’m aware that communication can be hard but the base of every single relationship is communication.

IZZIE HALIM

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Sinan Halim ‘21

Feel free to ask me anything!! @izziehalim

And we’re back! Welcome to the third edition of Ask Iz. Where I, Izzie, answer all of your questions that teachers or parents don’t have the answer to. If you have a question feel free to let me know!

 QUESTION: How can I come out? (Fairborn, OH)

  As someone who has had to come out, I understand how hard it is. I came out when I was 12 and the first person I told was my best friend. I texted him and said “I think I’m bi” he was super accepting, as he is also bi, so I recommend coming out to a friend first. It’s not as scary as telling adults.

  The next thing is you can’t push yourself to be ready to come out, you’ll know when you’re ready. A really important thing, figure out if the people you want to come out are homophobic. If they are, start to distance yourself because they will just make you feel bad about yourself. If your family is homophobic don’t come out, wait until you are in college or older then tell them. 

  Coming out is hard and the hard truth is that it never gets easier and you never stop coming out to people. Regardless If your family is accepting or not,  you’ll always find people that will love and accept you no matter who you are or who you love. 

 

QUESTION: How can I go about telling my partner, that I deeply care about, that I cannot be in a healthy relationship due to college/future and I don’t want to deal with the inevitable end that’ll come when I graduate? (Berlin, NJ) 

  The best advice I can give you here is to talk to them. Believe me, I’m aware that communication can be hard but the base of every single relationship is communication. With that being said you could plan out what you’re going to say. I do this a lot, it really helps take the edge off of things. I write down exactly what I want to say in my notes app if the conversation is over text but if it’s not then it just helps to have things planned. 

  Your partner should understand where you’re coming from about being scared for the future as everybody’s growing up and we all have to face it. We have to face that as we get older not everything will stay the same forever. This is just a guess but your partner will probably try to make things work for as long as possible. They’ll be understanding of what you have to say but they won’t want to let go just yet because they care so deeply for you. The moral of the story is to communicate, get your point across and then let them get theirs. . Hopefully they are understanding and if they aren’t that’s ok; You have a bunch of friends to fall back on and that will be there for you and you are still really young, not everything is meant to work out but everything will eventually fall into place.

 

QUESTION: I’m always the left out friend and I don’t know why, why am I never good enough? (Voorhees, NJ) 

  I completely understand where you’re coming from with this question. I’ve grown up being the left out friend and feeling like I’m not good enough so I get this. The best advice I can give you is to, number one, communicate; talk to your friends and address that you feel like they are trying to push you out and you feel left out. Number two is if they don’t understand and don’t try to make an effort to include you after you talk to them, drop them, and leave the friend group. They don’t want you around and you are honestly better off without them. In all honesty you are better off alone and happy than with a group of people and sad. I know it’s hard to be happy when you’re alone but it shouldn’t take long before you find a new group. 

  In the second second part of this question you’re asking why you’re not enough. You are enough, you are so incredible and you deserve so much love but the people you are surrounding yourself with are making it hard to see that. Now I am guilty of this, in the past friend groups have put me down when they’re supposed to build you up. The only thing you can do is leave; for a few reasons, the first being it’ll be so much better on your mental health and such a weight off your shoulders. The second reason is you deserve better, you deserve to think of yourself in a good way. The moral of the story is get new friends, talk to new people, and don’t be afraid to communicate. 

 

QUESTION: Why does sad music affect me so much?  (Berlin, NJ)

  It’s very common for writers to write about their experiences and trauma as writing is a very common form of coping. So it’s not surprising that music affects you, you relate to it. Music can really hit home when you learn what it’s about and learn that you relate to it. I’ve been in that situation before. Once I’ve learned what a song is about, I relate to it 10 times more. Take Matilda by Harry Styles as an example. One of the lines is “you talk of the pain like it’s no big deal.” I relate to that line and I know that so many other people do as well because it’s really easy to brush off what you’re going through. 

  Another thing, your music taste evolves as you grow so hearing a song that you listened to a few years ago can give some flashbacks. In my case whenever I hear Tomboy by Destiny Rogers I’m sent right back to the 7th grade. It’s really easy to associate songs with people as well. There’s so many songs that I can’t listen to anymore because they remind me of old friends and old memories. We as people interpret songs how we think they should be, we want to be able to relate. The bottom line is sad music affects you because you relate to it. You’ve been through things and you’ve found songs that put what you’ve been through into words. You look to music for comfort and as an escape which many other people do including myself. It’s easy to run for comfort in things we know we can count on.