So…you forgot Mother’s Day. But it’s okay. Things happen— we’re only human. But you got to find a way to make it up to your lovely Mom. Here are suggestions:

   

Gaslight Your Mom Into Thinking It Wasn’t Mother’s Day

 

   Did you forget Mother’s Day? Just convince her it wasn’t. Treat it like any other day. Change the date on her phone settings. Pretend it jumped from Saturday to Monday; in fact, the best option may be to convince her that there never was a “Mother’s Day” at all.. 

 

Hide Your Dad’s Hair Growth Pills

 

   We all know it isn’t real. He’s been denying his “baldness” for years. But it’s about time that he finally admitted “the chrome dome.” Seeing your father look like a not-buff Mr. Clean is sure to make her day. 

 

Get Rid of Her Competition 

 

   Step-Mom Genniffer has been around too long. She took Mother’s idea for Disneyland, she’s your sister’s favorite parent, and she stole Mom’s man.

   Just tell her Genniffer has been sent shopping in Montana… forever. There are few better options than bumping off Mother’s nemesis. Besides, Genniffer never bought you that PS5.

 

Set Her Up With Your Dad’s Best Friend

 

   Your father married your mom’s sister, so now Mom gets a chance for Jeremy— the family friend usually called  “Uncle.” Jeremy’s been single for God knows how long. I mean, Mom has always called him “ugly hot” (so mediocre he’s attractive). 

   Jeremy is a Boeing Engineer, he makes $250,000 per year, and he allowed you drive his Maserati for the prom. For dinner, he eats hot dogs every night. His only friend is Dad, and he has that 20-year-old pug named Dorothy. he still takes care of instead of filling his role in the Homeowners Association. 

   He’spathetic loser, but he’s loaded. 

 

Put Your Sibling Up for Adoption

 

    Prepare to be the favorite child again. 

    Your little five-year-old sister Morgan has always been a nuisance. All she does is scream, cry, and throw fits. And worst of all, she has refused Mother’s meatloaf (or “Mystery Loaf”) for the last time. We all know that the family would be better off without her.

   I’m sure she’ll have a wonderful, lovely time as a lookout working for Somalian pirates.

 

Leave the Backyard Gate Open

 

   Pierce the Princess pitbull can’t tell the difference between the inside and outside of the house. Mother despises waking up to landmines in the living room. Within a week of adopting a dog, your cat, Peppermint, “mysteriously” disappeared. 

   The dog stirs up so much trouble in the house, but all can be solved by simply leaving a door “unlocked.”

   Set the Princess free! 

 

Get Mom Some Help 

 

   One time, Mother entered her room with a full bottle of Rosé without a wine glass at three in the afternoon. Mother clearly has some “emotional issues” from her childhood. 

    She needs a professional. She needs therapy, (you are her son and daughter, after all)  and some time away from all her problems (that includes you). 

 

The Final Solution 

   This list is a completely fabricated situation that should not be adhered to. It’s not that big of a deal, it’s only one day in the year. Your mother knows you love her. Just give her a card.