Welcome readers to the annual Holiday Wish List for Quintessential Students. This year’s list will be hosted by the prestigious Academy of Opulence. The Academy’s Board of Education consists of some of the most renowned, affluent, and influential members of society. They have created the perfect list of items that allow your child to surpass all their educational hurdles.

With the Covid-19 Global Pandemic kept in mind, this year’s list includes products that can be used for both traditional and online instruction. With flawless grades, your child will no longer need to worry about rejection letters or bribery scandals that can ruin their prospective careers.

The 2020 Holiday Wish List for Quintessential Students is something all lower-class members lament for, all middle-class members yearn for, and all higher-class members acquire for prosperous scholars. The top six essential items listed below are now available for a limited time at the most outrageous prices that only the top 5% can afford!

1. Low-Intensity Brightpad($50,000): Is your child getting headaches from staring at their laptop and Ipads too much? You longer need to be concerned with the new Low-Intensity This new technology allows for up to 18 hours of screen use with the effects of only two. Your child no longer has to worry about shattering headaches or blurry vision when they work on last-minute assignments. Students can finish all their assignments and still have the energy to play Among Us before bed.
2. Busywork 5000($100,000): This new innovation allows scholars to leave behind all their tedious homework and projects to focus on more important events. No more worrying about not being able to go to a sports game or party because of too much work. Busywork 5000 does all the hard work for you. The hours-long chemistry extra credit or history essay can be completed in mere minutes. Don’t let a pandemic or too much homework stop your child from exploring their censored world. For an extra $25,000, we’ll also include the Works Cited 200 to prevent plagiarism. No more having to worry about late assignments or unsubmitted essays ever again!
3. 400mg Espresso Shot($1,000): With one sip, your child can stay up all night to complete any last-minute projects. No more going to Dunkin or Starbucks at 3 A.M because the 400mg Espresso Shot provides the same amount of energy as two five-hour Energy drinks. For a limited time, you can get one shot free for every five that you buy! Both teenagers and adults can use the Espresso Shots for an instant boost to your day/night. Now you can finish that essay or business project without the stress of falling asleep ever again.

*Warning: Product is not for those under 16 years of age and can only be consumed once every 24 hours. Constant use may cause insomnia, nervousness, stomach irritation, nausea, vomiting, increased heart rate, and respiration, death, etc.

4. Zoom Substitute($1,000,000): Is your child tired of having to wake up for online classes? The new Zoom Substitute allows your child to sleep in an extra hour or three without having to worry about missing the lesson. The Zoom Substitute creates a voice and facial replica of your child and answers any questions the instructor may ask. You don’t even have to worry about taking notes! The Zoom Substitute not only provides immaculately typed notes from your lesson but also a five-minute summary lecture. Never stress over a missed class again with the Zoom Substitute available for the cheap price of 1 million USD.

5. College Board Tutor($3,000,000): Don’t stress over another SAT or AP test ever again with the brand new College Board Tutor. All of our tutors are guaranteed Coronavirus free and certified members of the College Board. College Board Tutors provide insider secrets and tricks for your child to receive the best scores on their standardized tests. While other American children lament, your child will receive the finest scores from the College Board. Whether it is Yale or Harvard, your child will be welcomed with open arms with the help of a College Board Tutor.
6. Instant TikTok Fame Manager($5,000,000): TikTok has become the number one platform for young teenagers in 2020. Now your child can also create professional content and make thousands of dollars on the app. A TikTok Manager can help your child rise to the top of Tiktok’s ‘For You’ page. With the right amount of scandals, romance, and cancellation, your child will no longer need to worry about being a quintessential student. They can earn the same amount a minimum wage worker makes in a week with one post!

We hope all parents have enjoyed reading this year’s Holiday Wish List for Quintessential Students. Students no longer need to worry about completing tedious homework assignments or strenuous tests with our top 6 essentials of the year. This holiday season all of the wealthy parents of the world should consider one of the Academy of Opulence’s magnificent technology or staff for their bright scholar.

Despite this year being tough for most lower and middle-class Americans, we hope every parent considers the 2020 Holiday Wish List for Quintessential Students their number one priority this holiday season.