Waking up on September 9th, 2021 felt unreal to me. I had always been an anxious person on the first day but this time around felt different. I was finally going to enter the doors and hallways of Eastern Regional High School as a sophomore. My stomach churned in that thought and I immediately felt my chest inhale in fear. 

   My thoughts were scattered, my mind in a whole other universe. I, however, was quickly taken away from those thoughts once my second alarm rang. I got up from my bed, ran to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I whispered to myself continuously, “I could do it”, right?

    It was only school, no big deal. But to me, at that moment, it seemed like an impossible task. Everything around me seemed to be far away, and I knew that either way I would have to go through it. So I packed my thoughts away and got ready. 

   As I looked outside the window, I saw the sun start to rise, and the rain continuing to tumble down from the sky. I smiled at the thought that today’s weather seemed just like myself, happy, but sad all at once. As I walked the pathway towards my bus stop, I looked back at my house, silently saying my goodbyes to the place that had been my safe place for what seemed like forever and always. I sat down in my seat, and it hit me for the final time. 

   I was no longer going to be surrounded by the same gray box that I hibernated in for the past year and a half. The mess in my room that I called home was no longer around me. The whole bus ride to school felt long and weary. Someone decided to sit next to me and I would usually make small talk with them, but I couldn’t. 

   My throat felt stuck with the words that were supposed to be leaving my mouth. So I nodded to them and looked out the window. Such an idiot, I thought in my mind. Finally being able to walk down the hallways of Eastern made me feel like a freshman, so unaware of where to go. 

   People were everywhere, but half of their face was covered by a fabric meant to protect us from the virus that took away my whole freshman year. Sometimes I cursed the masks, other times I loved them. It gave me a sense of safety that even if I embarrassed myself nobody would truly know my whole face. 

   Covid took away pieces of us and gave us new parts without even recognizing it. For me, it gave me more social anxiety than before and took away the little amount of self confidence that I had hidden away. It showed me who my real friends were and gave me time to reflect on who I truly was. Sure, I can despise it all I want and wish that the time it took away could come back but where would that lead me? The answer is nowhere other than in the same circle of thoughts. I can only hope for a better and healthier future and look forward to what this school year has to offer.